Instances
by Corinthus
Summary: Series of short moments centered around our favorite turian vigilante. Garrus/FemShep. Chap 4: Garrus-centric drabble as Shepard goes up to the Crucible based on Destroy-ending.
1. The Statue

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorite 'd "Not You"! So this is going to be a series of one-shots following mostly Garrus, maybe sometimes Shepard. There's no consistent schedule, just whenever the breeze blows in the right direction I guess. But enjoy the story!! Don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect and its characters belong to BioWare.**

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The Statue

The artificial light of the Presidium was bright as ever, perfect lighting, perfect weather, and perfectly clean streets. There were no traces of the galactic battle that the Citadel had to endure. Everything was perfect, abso-fucking-lutely perfect.

Garrus looked around. There were no threats of an ancient sentinel race ready to eradicate every living being in this galaxy. Humans, turians, asaris, salarians – all moving on with their lives, completely unaware that their very existence was hanging on a flimsy string.

He scoffed at their pathetic state and then chuckled sarcastically at the thought that _his _state wasn't that different; he just chose not to deny the truth. What could _he_ possiblydo against Reapers anyway?

He rested his arms against the railing as he slumped forward. He studied the statue in front of him wearily.

His mandible flared slightly in disdain. Honestly, the statue did not do her justice. There were no subtle curves of her hips, the smooth texture of her skin, and her hair was made up of silk strands, not the choppy icicles that the statue seem to have.

It was a rough piece of boulder imitating her. It was_ nothing_ like her.

After staring at the poor excuse of a statue, his eyes traveled down to the platform which the statue stood upon. A gold plaque lied on top with the words engraved: "The Savior of the Citadel: Jane Shepard". The platform was surrounded by random flowers and envelopes. Despite all the effort from the Council to dismiss her as "delusional", people still seemed to remember her sacrifice. It was a little comforting… just a little bit.

He closed his eyes deep in thought. Being here brought back memories of the day it was first revealed.

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_It was the day of her memorial. _

_He was lying still in his bed with no hints of movement. His eyes blinked in a slow pace and his breath was steady. If anyone were to see him now they would think he was comatose._

_The beeping of his omni tool interrupted the silence and caught his attention._

"_This is Garrus Vakarian. Leave a message"_

"_Vakarian!" the voice of Ashley Williams rang throughout the room._

"_Heard you weren't answering anyone's call and nobody has heard from you for weeks. You know what today is. I know it's rough but you're not the only one who lost her… You better show up. For her sake"_

_He turned his head to stare at the machine. Eyes blinking, breathing steadily. The room was silent again._

_After what felt like hours, but only a few minutes in reality, Garrus slowly lifted himself off and sat on the edge of his bed. He rested his hands on his palms as he scratched his forehead. The tension in his chest was heavy and it was getting hard to breathe. He let out a sharp sigh and lifted himself off, preparing himself for the day._

_Until that day he avoided all news vids, personal messages, the Normandy crew, and just the outside world in general. He was holed up in his small apartment on the boundary of the Presidium and the Wards. It was weird being out in the Presidium, the weather was nice – almost too nice. The tension was getting thicker in his chest._

_He looked around the crowd. People were bustling, and some seemed even _excited._ He cleared his throat to ease the tension in his chest. This was a hardly a memorial service, this was a circus. _

_He suddenly felt a pat on his shoulder. He turned around to be greeted by Ashley Williams. She greeted him with what seemed like a strain smile._

"_Glad you could make it, Vakarian. It'll make her happy" she said_

_His mandible twitched in part curiosity and part anger. What did she mean it "_will" _make her happy? He silently nodded and walked towards the back row of seats, avoiding further conversation._

_As he trailed up, he saw couple of the Normandy crew; some were sniffling as their crewmates comforted them. _

_His eyes landed on Joker and Chakwas. Chakwas nodded in acknowledgement, the pilot looked up but quickly averted his gaze and hung his head. Garrus quickly looked away too, he still hasn't talked to Joker and it felt uncomfortable for him to acknowledge the pilot's existence. _

_He knew it wasn't Joker's fault. Not really. But it didn't stop him from wanting to blame him._

_He saw Tali and Wrex sitting in the back. He headed towards them and sat down. Tali turned her head to face him but didn't say anything and turned her head back towards the platform. Wrex didn't even acknowledge him or anyone around him at all, but Garrus preferred the silence anyway. He didn't want the "how are you doing?" "are you okay?". _

_After couple of speeches from the Council – Garrus tuned them out – they revealed the statue. There were clapping and gasps of awe. _

_His eyes widened as his mandibles became slack. He was speechless. _

_There was Shepard immortalized by a piece of stone._

_The noise around him dulled and things started to get blurry._

_He suddenly wanted to vomit._

_He clenched his fists as the unbearable tension in his chest spread throughout his body. It sent shivers to his limbs. He felt his breathing get faster. It was getting uncomfortable – unbearable._

_He abruptly sat up, startling Tali, and walked away from the service, away from the statue, away from the crew, away from everything that reminded him of her._

_As soon as Garrus entered his apartment, he began to rip his armor off. It felt heavier and constricting. It felt like he was suffocating._

_He ripped off his gauntlet and blindly threw it against the wall hard enough to knock off some objects to the floor._

_He paced around the room breathing heavily; somehow it helped ease the tension building up in his body. _

_When he finally seemed to calm down, he dragged himself to clean up the mess he made. He bent down to pick up the piece of armor until his eyes caught what was lying next to it. _

_It was a holo of himself and her next to the Mako in a cracked frame. _

_His whole body went rigid. After a moment of pause he gently picked it up._

_It was a candid shot; they were in a middle of a conversation. Both of them were paying attention to each other and not the camera. Ashley snuck up on them and took the shot before either of them could notice._

"_Never thought I would see the day Vakarian giggling like a girl" the gunnery chief commented after she took the picture._

_In the holo Shepard was leaning back with her arms crossed, an amused smile gracing her face and he was slightly bent forward laughing. _

_He didn't study her features in the picture; he didn't have to, because he had them memorized. From her green eyes down frail looking legs. _

_But Garrus' eyes landed on himself in the holo; he was laughing. He seemed genuinely happy. She made him laugh, she made him happy. _

_Looking at the holo, he knew. There was no way he can be as happy as he was when he was with her. He was doomed. _

_His body started trembling as the heavy tension in his chest kept building up and up._

_It was rising up to his throat, constricting his airway. The pressure was heavy and ever so expanding until it finally burst out in a hoarse roar._

_It took all his strength and sanity with it. _

_He flung his arms wildly, knocking off the furniture in his apartment. His talons searched for everything and anything he can grab, throw, rip, and smash. _

_He grabbed the lamp, the mattress, the chairs. Everything that had a grip was destroyed. _

_He kept going until he lost balance and dropped to the floor. He didn't bother pulling himself up. He laid there still like he was that morning._

_He finally let out a haunting scream. It wasn't tension wrecking his body, it was pain._

_And Garrus knew that he will forever have to carry this pain with him._

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"You ready to head to Omega?" a voice interrupted his reminiscing.

He nodded his head, not trusting his voice to hide the pain he just remembered.

As he straightened up he felt shoulders brush against his arm.

"This statue feels inappropriate."

He turned his head to look at the person next to him.

Emerald orbs surrounded by delicate lashes, a smooth but firm skin, the curve of her jaw, the soft nimble lips in a genuine smile.

He pulled her close as he leaned his forehead against hers, mandibles widening into a smile. Yup, the statue was _nothing_ like her.

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**Review Please!!!**


	2. Calibrating

Calibrating

"_We could test your reach… and my flexibility"_

Thank the Spirits turians can't blush and have limited facial expressions. If their face can contort into whatever they are feeling…Garrus wouldn't see or hear the end of it. Whatever _it_ is. The teasing…yea, the teasing…

The ex C-Sec officer vigorously shook his head. He really needed to get these calibrations done. It's been hours now but his mind kept wandering to Shepard and the last conversation they had. He had to wonder if that conversation really happened. Shepard? Him? Shepard wanted _him_?

His mind wandered to the last night he tested his reach. He didn't really have to push himself to the limit. Apparently, the recon scout was already ready and willing, much to his disappointment. He wanted the tension and the throw down, the buildup for an explosion. Wonder if Shepard is willing to put up a fight?

Garrus shook his head again. He really needed to fo…

Just _how _flexible can she be? He knows that humans in general are more flexible than his kind but Shepard has always been the exceptional example of her kind. He has seen her in the battlefield more than enough to memorize her every move: the way her torso curves and twists whenever she goes in and out of cover, the graceful arch of her back when she dove out of the way from an oncoming missile just in time. Her waist is so narrow it looked like he could snap her in half but he's seen them bend back and forth, side to side, seamlessly with no intentions to break. Her waist looked…looks very supportive.

His mandibles flared unconsciously, as he rapidly blinked his eyes. Damn he was going nowhere with these calibrations. He resumed typing in the codes, occupying his mind with the codes and the clicks of the buttons of the console.

He watched a vid on the console once. It was sent by Joker. He was an idiot to open any kind of vid sent by the pilot but he did anyway. He didn't get through the first 2 minutes of it. He saw a female human doing what they call a "split". It took him 7 days to do the initial calibration, something he could've finished within a day or two. The whole 7 days he tried so hard to think of anything but images of Shepard doing the…"splits". He even kept blowing her off when she wanted to talk.

He shouldn't have. He liked her voice when she was all relaxed, which he felt she doesn't do enough. Even on the new Normandy, he can see her always hold some sort of tense posture. Not that he could blame her. But when it was just the two of them talking, her voice sounds lighter and, dare he say, happier?

Garrus let out a frustrated growl, as he realized he was thinking about her again. He stepped away from the keys and paced around the small room. Maybe he should do something more menial, like polishing his rifle.

…

…

Well **that **came out wrong.

Just when he was prepared to rip off and toss the console, he heard the door behind him swish open. He didn't need to turn around to know that it was Shepard. He could smell her from here. Clean and fresh, surprisingly no metallic hint.

"Hey Garrus, you got a minute?"

He tightened his grip on the console before he turned around to face her. He could see the excitement in her eyes, the pliable skin of her face down to her neck. Suddenly, all the thoughts he tried to suppress bombarded him all at once. Her flexibility, his reach, just how flexible she can be, just how far he would be able to reach with her. Relieving tension.

"Um… Can it wait? I need to get these calibrations done." _If he ever will_ he thought as an afterthought.

He saw her pink lips slightly purse up into a pout. He has never seen a turian do that. He quickly recovered and added,

"Not that I haven't thought about what…uh…we… ahem….talked about" he explained and offering a smile hopefully she can decipher.

She gave him a smile of what seemed like a relief and walked away. The smile stunned him. He had never seen her smile ever since he boarded the Normandy. The thought that she was smiling at him and because of him made him unconsciously smile too.

Once he broke out of his thoughts to watch Shepard walk away. He watched her stretch her arms behind her and turn around. He was so focused on the way her waist and torso twisted, that it was too late for him to recover when his eyes met hers. She smirked and winked at him.

His mandible twitched as he awkwardly turned back towards the console. Thank the Spirits turians can't blush.

**A/N: Sorry if Garrus is slightly OOC. I wanted to try my hand on something more light hearted and humorous. REVIEW PLEASE!**


	3. Garrus Vakarian: Dossier

**A/N: Spoiler warning for the Shadow Broker DLC!**

**This is actually really fluffy. A little too fluffy for my liking actually and Shepard seems slightly OCC (if that's possible) but I wanted to write something about the dossier from the DLC. Somehow Bioware made me like Garrus even more if that was possible.**

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Garrus Vakarian: Dossier

She's been standing here for fifteen minutes having a staring contest with the green door console – and she was losing. She could just turn around and go back to her cabin. She should do that. Go to her cabin and check some unread messages or something – or at least _something_ else than standing in front of the main battery looking like an idiot. She pursed her lips in thought and swiveled herself around. As soon as she turned she noticed the Mess Sergeant's curious stare. She narrowed her eyes as he gave her a goofy grin.

In an impulse she turned around, staring at the door once again. She can do this. She's Commander Shepard, she can persuade herself out of a Collector's grasp if she wanted to. She squared her shoulders and lifted her arm. But her hand stopped mid air and recoiled. She let out a frustrated sigh and ran her hand through her brown locks.

"Forget this." She muttered as she turned away from the door.

As she took two steps away she heard the door behind her swoosh open.

"Shepard?"

She slowly turned her head to see Garrus' tall frame standing in the middle of the door. His blue armor was a stark contrast against the red lights in the battery and she could make out his mandibles flaring out.

"Garrus?" She mentally kicked herself. She knew it was him. She was _expecting_ it to be him. Now she was mumbling like a school girl.

She heard his raspy chuckle and saw him smile – or what she assumed was a smile, "Who else?"

Instinctively she smiled back and relaxed, "You got a minute Vakarian?" she asked.

He turned his body to give her a way in and jerked his head towards the main battery. She walked in and sat on top of the cargo crates, her usual spot. Without a word, he leaned against the console and crossed his arms. He may never think much of it but his stance was relaxed yet masculine, something she never can get herself to get over.

With her initial nervous energy dissipated and the silence settling in, she took a good look at Garrus: His tall frame, strong build, the burnt marks on his armor, the tattoo on his face, the scars on his cheek, and finally his blue eyes. She suddenly noticed that he looked tired, he had slight glimmer in them, but they were not alive and burning as they were 2 years ago.

She suddenly couldn't look at him anymore.

She avoided his eyes as she ran her hand through her hair again – a nervous habit she picked up. She suddenly remembered the dossier she read in the Shadow Broker's, well now Liara's, office. She shouldn't have read them. It was his private life, a life she had no permission of entering despite the fact that she wanted to. She just couldn't help it after she read his overview though: "…_most likely will never fully develop under Shepard's command"_. Damn. Is she holding him back? Is she overshadowing him? She always knew that Garrus had great potential but she never thought she would be the one in his way. What if Garrus never joined her? He might have become a Spectre on his own, instead of following her footsteps straight into the Reapers. Was she being selfish for wanting to keep him by her side? Should she let him go?

She closed her eyes to stop her head from exploding.

She knew the Reapers are a priority and she'll find a way to destroy them one way or another. But if Garrus wasn't here but somewhere safer…with his mother… She felt the back of her eyes growing warm and moist.

While her mind was questioning every motive she had , she felt 3 talons on her thigh. She raised her head in alarm to see Garrus kneeling in front of her.

"Shepard, are you okay?" he asked urgently.

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Garrus didn't know what to do at first. The commander was sitting there so silently and gripping her hair like she was ready to pull them out. He thought of saying something funny, but it just seemed so inappropriate for the time being. He tentatively knelt in front of her and slowly reached out to touch her.

"Shepard, are you okay?"

He saw her snap up like she was surprised, which worried Garrus. Commander Shepard was always on guard. She never…

Suddenly he felt her yank his collar and rest her forehead against his. His breath hitched at the sudden proximity and gesture.

"J..Jane?" he stuttered.

He eyed her and saw her eyes close once again and her breathing slightly hitching. He has never seen her so, dare he say, vulnerable. He slowly reached to rest his talons on her shoulder and waist.

"Garrus…"she whispered "I promise you I'll take you to Palaven once this is over. I promise you that'll be the first thing we do. I won't let you die or let the Reapers win. I promise. So would you _please_ stay with me till at least we see the end of this?"

Garrus' mandibles flared in surprised. Shepard's vulnerability and cryptic plea stunned him and he was at loss for words. She actually thought he would leave? Now? After everything they've been through together? His rising anger quickly went as it came when he noticed her trembling under his touch. He relaxed his muscles as he slowly pulled her closer.

"For you Shepard? I would go to the gates of hell"

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**A/N: Ah, no resolution whatsoever but there can be none till Mass Effect 3 comes out. Haha. Thank you for reading! Reviews will be dearly appreciated!**


	4. Hopes

Garrus thought he outgrew hope. He lived through Shepard's death, watched his team be wiped out by mercenaries in Omega, let Corpalis take his mother, watched Palaven burn, and lost more friends than he would even hoped upon his worst enemies to witness.

Whenever hope sprouts within him, he made sure to bury it deep underneath all the possible outcomes of this war. The worst-case scenarios, that was life, that was reality. Hopeful outcomes didn't really have a place in this universe, not with this war. But then he pictures her green eyes, piercing with determination, and hope springs anew. Maybe that's why he just let her go.

He hasn't moved from the cargo bay. As soon as the ramp closed off and he felt the Normandy rise, he found the closest set of crates and set himself down. Liara insisted he goes up to see Chakwas but he shook his head. The next time the ramp opens up, Shepard will be running up and he's going to make damn sure he's the first one there by her side.

_"No matter what happens, remember I will always love you"_

He knows what can happen, the worst-case scenarios, but he can't bear to bury the hope this time in fear that it will never spring up.

The large empty space and the humming of the engines feel more ominous than soothing than they used to. It feels like a whole lifetime while he waits in the cargo bay. A lifetime where a young and brash C-sec officer was trying hard to live up to his father's expectations and the family name. Everyone has gone up to the cockpit trying to track down the progress of the battle - to track down Shepard. He doesn't want to know because the hope in him grows stronger and any sense of reality might kill it off.

'_The next time you see the ramp open she'll be there. She'll be there with a broken rib or two but she'll be there with a smile and you can tell her 'You did it''_

He keeps repeating 'She'll be there'.

He hears quiet footstep echo in the cargo bay but he doesn't tear his eyes away from the unmoving ramp. He feels a touch on his arm and he finally turns his head. Dr. Chakwas wordlessly tends to his wounds and he sits quietly watching her. He turns his head to watch the ramp.

"Anderson and Shepard made it through the beacon but..." she inhales sharply and continues her treatment. He can see her wipe away a stray tear from his peripheral vision but he doesn't move. He doesn't say anything. He just watches the ramp because he's not ready to bury the hope yet.

"Garrus?" Chakwas asks as she packs up her equipment.

"She'll be there" he whispers. And all he hears is a soft sigh and receeding footsteps.

He doesn't know how many hours or minutes have passed but the life of a ex-C-sec officer's adventure with the first human Spectre passes by in his mind. He met his mentor in that life. He remembers the smirk on her face as she rose from the ashes of Sovereign. She was a breathtaking image of strength and beauty.

"Garrus," Liara's voice awakens him from his reverie. "The Citadel's arms aren't moving, she might..."a ping on her omni-tool interrupts her "by the Goddess" she gasps and he can't help but let the hope in him grow. "The Citadel's arms are opening. She made it!" Liara's eyes that were glistening with tears moment ago are brightened with hope.

He wish he reciprocated the smile but he knows it doesn't last long. He turns his head to the ramp. She's not here yet, and while he's happy she made it, he needs her to make it_ back_.

"I'm going to go up to make sure to keep up with the Crucible" Liara stands and waits for a reply or any hint of movement, but he simply nods and leans back.

The humming of the engine seems more quiet and the whole cargo bay is more silent than ever. He imagines the life without Shepard, the life of loss, vengeance, and failure. He clenches his talons and hopes he bleeds. He chokes back a sob because that could be another life. That could be his future life. Except it would be worse than the last time.

He feels a shift in the ship's movement and he's startled.

"EDI?" he hears Joker's panicked voice over the intercom "EDI? EDI! ANSWER ME! SHIT..."

He feels the ground beneath him shake and he is thrown off his seat as he feels one great impact after another. He hears the engine die and the ship go still. Garrus scrambles up and hits the button for the ramp. It moans in protest as it fails to open.

He curses and heads towards the elevator. As he gets off on the CIC he sees Joker kneeling next to a still body of EDI surrounded by the crew.

"EDI?" He hears Joker sniffle "EDI? Please..."

Garrus stands frozen as he watches the pilot mourn. It's a cold reminder to him that no one really wins in this war.

_'The worst case scenario'_

Tali walks past him and towards Joker. "I'm sorry" she whispers as she approaches the weeping pilot "there's nothing I can do, I've received reports that all AI including geth have been..." she takes a breath not daring to finish a sentence everyone knows how it ends.

Garrus feels like an outsider looking in, still stuck between a lifetime he's not ready to let go, while everyone else mourns their loss of friends, family and loved ones. He holds tighter to the life he has yet to finish.

They put EDI in the medbay and covered her body. It seems unnecessary but it was necessary for everyone. No matter what Javik may say, EDI was a member of the crew, she was a teammate and she was a friend. She will be greatly missed.

He watches Alenko put Admiral Anderson's name up on the board. His eyes drifts towards all the names he recognize and settles down to the one on his hand.

**COMMANDER JANE SHEPARD**

"Garrus" James whispers as he nudges him to go up and hang up her name.

Garrus clenches the plaque. If he hangs it up, he hangs up everything for good. He will give up the life where he clumsily fell in love with his mentor who became his partner; a life in the midst of war and death where he found his place next to his love. He found his strength, his peace, his life and he's not willing to let this one end yet.

"She'll be there" he whispers. Garrus looks up and turns from everyone towards the elevator. "_I'll _ be there" he says with more conviction so everyone can hear.

Everyone looks at him like he's crazy and his conviction wavers. But right as the doors were moving to close, Joker steps in with him. They don't share any words or looks as they head towards to the CIC and the cockpit. Joker silently takes his seat and starts up the Normandy as Garrus stands behind him. His eyes wander towards the empty seat to his right. He doesn't know how to express his gratitude to Joker but he is indefinitely grateful for the strength in Joker to do this.

He thought about going back to the cargo bay, but decided against it. He wasn't going to just sit and wait anymore hoping; Hoping for her to come back, hoping she will smile as she walks through the ramp. He was going to find her himself. Like he said, he outgrew hope.

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**AN: Probably loaded with spelling and grammar errors and what not but it's just a real quickie that I had to let out before I start my school projects. I'll come back and edit it once I get the time. Hope you enjoyed it?**


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